6 RANDOM FACTS TAG

Firstly, I would like to wish all of my blogger friends and visitors
a happy holiday on this Merdeka celebrations. I got tagged again.
This time by Nyonyapenang and AhNel for wanting to know
6 Random Facts about me. I just wanna do it quickly because I'm
so lucky to be remembered. Must sapot ma!!


6 Random facts about ACEONE.


Fact 1: I do not know how to board a LRT train and have not been
into a LRT train before.
(I remembered there was once i asked my friends ...eh..if I want to go to Kelana
Jaya what train number do i have to take? mahai..they laughed their brains out!!
No train number wan meh?? LOLs.)


Fact 2 : I do not have home cook food.

( I'm single and home alone. 365 days i eat out!!! some said...get a wife to cook
for you la. You think so easy meh?)



Fact 3 : I spent most of my money on deep sea fishing gear.
(I'm broke now, just recently bought a Shimano gear).


Fact 4 : I'm a Soka Gakkai Malaysia member.
( I do chanting Liturgy of Nichiren Buddhism and chanting daimoku,'
Nam Myo Ho Ren Ge Kyo')



Fact 5 : I do my house chores.
( I don't have extra money to employ a Ah 4 to do it for me
so me mopping, ironing and cleaning like a mad !!) LOL.



Fact 6 : Aceone is my company name.
( I 'm a small timer doing some small business in Office equipments, namely
binding machine, paper shredder, laminator, notes & coin counting machines,
printer toner-hp, canon etc. Ace is the biggest in a deck of card , One- i'm a sole
proprietor)




I'm not going to tag any body this time round because I do not have
many blogger friends.






FACTORY SECURITY JAGA

There had been a lot of thefts by the factory workers on the night
shift so the manager decided to advertised a vacancy for the post
of night security jaga. This is to prevent any further losses on the
company. Wingz saw this walk-in interview ads and quickly
heading to the said address for the walk-in-interview.




Wingz : Boss, I came here to apply for the post of security jaga.

Manager: Do you have any experience in the kind of job?

Wingz : Got boss, last time I got worked as a bank jaga before.
All the monies I jaga wan although all the monies are kept in the
vault. I make sure no one come close to the vault at night and oso
I got worked as a petronas pump attendant before. I make sure
no body come and steal petrol at night. Now minyak gone up ledi
ma, right boss?


Manager: Wuah..we need staffs who are very committed like you.
If I employed you can you start work immediately?


Wingz : Can boss, no problem boss 'mou man tai' wan.


Finally, Wingz got the job and start work. His job is to make sure
every morning when the night shift workers passed through his gate,
it was his job to check their bags and pockets that nothing has been
stolen.

For the first few months, things were going on smoothly for Wingz
until AhBeng came pushing a wheelbarrow of old newspapers through
his gate at night. AhBeng looks 'kwai kwai shu shu' liddat so Wingz
thought to himself .' Aha...that man thinks he can cover up what he is
stealing with that old newpaper. I got to question him.


Wingz : Halo, stop right there. What are you transporting out of this
factory?

AhBeng: Its only old newspaper sir!!

Wingz: I dun belif you, lemme see. (Wingz removed the old
newspaper only to find nothing)

AhBeng: See, I told you already, its only old newspaper!! I get a
little extra money from newspaper I recycle so i go into the canteen
and picked up all the ones people throw away.

Wingz cannot find anything so he lets AhBeng passed and decided
to keep an close eyes on him. The next night it was the same, and
the night after that. Weeks after weeks it went on. The same AhBeng
would push the wheelbarrow pass the gate checkpoint. Wingz would
always check and finds nothing has been taken out of the factory.

A year has passed and Wingz was very proud of himself that he had
done a very good job. Since he took over, nothing have been stolen
from the factory. Wingz reported for work the next day only to find
a note left for him telling him to report to his manager.


Wingz: Boss, you wan to see me izzit??

Manager: Yes!!! I want to see you and you're fired!!!!

Wingz: Fired?? why leh boss?? Wat did I do wrong boss??

Manager: It was your job to make sure that no one stole anything from
the factory and you have failed to do that!!! So you are FIRED !!!

Wingz: Wait a minutes boss, wat you mean failed?? I have worked here
for about a year ledi and nobodi ever stole anything from the factory
while I was on guard. I damn comfident wan.!!

Manager: Oh really??



If you all wanna know what AhBeng stole from the factory





....scroll down la!!


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AhBeng stole wheelbarrows !!


Manager: Then how do you account for the fact that there are
365 wheelbarrow missing??






Wingz: Har !! Alamak !!!!!Dui lor.. Hailat la... why I haven't thought of that!!!









Wuahahaahahaha...Everytime Wingz kenakan AhBeng,
dis time is the other way round. LOL.

MEME - PUISI BULAN KEMERDEKAAN

I got tag by taikor AhPek in his old blog regarding this
meme- puisi bulan kemerdekaan. I try my best to do
it because my puisi is like fark can't even come close to
AhPek. AhPek is the specialist in puisi wan.

If not good dun marah me la wokeh?



First first kena put up the flag la !!








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Here it goes la...






Wahai..rakyat Malaysia jelata sekalian
Mali mali kita sambut bulan kemerdekaan
Kibarkan bendera jalur kegemilangan
Tinggi tingi kita kibarkan





Ketua menteri dan cabinet pun tidak dikecualikan
Nyanyi lagu negara-ku sambil berbarisan
Sambil nyanyi... bendera Malaysia Najib tolong naikkan
Yang lain tangan Pak-lah berpegang-pegangan




AhPek apa hal manyak tulan?
Minum kopi ada roti sudah kira ada kepuasan
Harga barangan naik bukan kita mia kawalan
Kalau tak setuju, tolong cari Apdal Shafee bereskan!




Hari Kemerdekaan AhPek pulak malas jalan jalan
Mau keluar sempadan tapi tengok ATM only puluhan
Tak jadi pegi sempadan pusing korner pegi padang dataran
Tengok piao mei tunggu sana berjutaan




Orang kibar bendera Malaysia, AhPek pulak kibar lainan
Cari piao mei dan suruh tolong tiupkan
Bila sudah syok tak tahan, AhPek pulak bagi tembakan
Orang bagi tembak merjun, dia pulak tembak lainan




Oi..apa sudah jadi AhPek dan kawan kawan?
Pegi kala-ok cari mamasan, buka baju nen nen macan rambutan
Kalau tak tau cari, mali Bandar Puteri gua tolong carikan
Karenti suma Ah Moi body best best dan number one




Ah Moi disini barang besar besar wan
Sudah tengok Ahpek dan kawan2 janjiao tak payah simpan wan
Gua karenti janjiao lu kibar tinggi tinggi wan
Sampai lu mia ammah dan ahppa lu pun lupa wan



So adik adik dan abang abang sekalian
Ini mia bulan , bulan Kemerdekaan
Cepat cepat pegi beli jalur kegemilangan
Tinggi tinggi lu naikkan dan nyanyikan



Wuahahahaaha..pinish ledi.. now who am I going to tag ler!!!

OK.. I tag 9
1) Ah Nel
2) Ah Ben
3) Pisang

POWER LIFTING

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A new event in the making. I didn't know that there are such an
event existed. This event is called 'Power Lifting of your KKC'.
The scene and atmosphere is something like in the olympic. In
this trojan games, it takes three white lights to qualify and red lights
means you fail. The judges decision are final. In this event, it requires
a pair to perform this lifting.

A ladies and a gentlement. At the moment, the trojan games record
holder is from Ukraine. They are Mr Mosienko and Ms Bubka. They
both hold the gold medal in the 65kg category.

Before taking part in this event, you have to have proper training. In
order to make your kkc stronger, you have to service it first. You can
do it locally or in thai cock. Remember the 'teh lam pah' method? and
also I got read before in my brader's blog that he train differently. He
prefer to hang a metal heavy bell on to the kkc.


If any one of you want to take part in this event, I recomments you to
enroll first in Lin-Cocka-Wingz University College of Creative Yamade.
They hold a dynamic records of some 40 years of successful experience.

They are specialist in , the ‘Wheelbarrow stunt’, ‘The Cartwheel frolick’,
'The Helicopter Twirl' and this latest stunt has undisputedly gained fame
as the hallmark courses of their reputable international university-
the Lin-Cocka-Wingz College University of Creative Yamade.


At the moment, this university is in the mist of selecting the right candidate
for the next trojan games. If got gold, perhaps you will have the privilege
to take part in the coming 2008 Olympic games held in China. Here is the
contact again 1-800- YAMADE or speaks to their education consultants.









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LIN PEH AND THE SEVEN PIGS

Lin Peh being a farmer growing vegetables finds it hard
to make money and he has too many daily expenses to cope
with. Lin Peh sat down under the tree feeling very sad and
starts to figure out how on earth to make fast money.


After spending several hours under the tree, he suddenly
came out with a brilliant idea to make money the easy way.
No more planting vegetables and plucking them to sell in
the market.

Lin Peh then proceeds to the nearby town and bought several
pigs hoping to breed them for ' ham' , 'bacon' etc. so that he can
supply it to all the supermarkets in his town. After about a
month, Lin Peh noticed that none of his pigs are getting pregnant
and decided to call his buddy fren Latok Wingz for help.


Lin Peh: Halo Latok Wingz ar...I know last time you got breed
pigs before wor. Now you kaya and become latok ledi no nit breed
pigs. Can you teach me the secret of breeding pigs anot??

Wingz: Wuahh..dis wan ar..veli susah to tell ler somemore this is
my grandfather mia secret wor. Kenot simply tell geh.

Lin Peh: We brader ma, tell me little bit nebermine wan la. I
won't tell your grandpa I promise.

Wingz: Ok la, we brader no kira wan.. wat you wanna know jek?

Lin Peh: I want to gets my pigs pregnant wor, how ar?

Wingz: Aisey..easy ma..use the artificial insemination method la.

Lin Peh: Oh..lidat ar, then how do I know my pigs are pregnant?
How to see ar?

Wingz: Aisey..veli easy to see wan.

Lin Peh: How ar..how ar?? faster tell me lar.

Wingz: lidis wan..If you see your pigs not standing around
and lay down wallow in the mud then hor they are pregnant lor.

Lin Peh: Wuahahaha..ok..ok..i know ledi. tenkiu..tenkiu.






















Lin Peh quickly hangs up and gives this some thoughts. He comes
to the conclusion that artificial insemination means that he has to
inpregnate the pigs. So Lin Peh fast fast load his pigs on to his truck,
drives them into the wood..had sex with them all, brings them back
and goes to bed.

Next morning, Lin Peh wakes up and looks out at the pigs. Seeing
that they are still standing around he thought that the 1st try didn't
worked out. He loads them in the truck again and drives them out in
the woods bang each pig twice for good measure, this time kaw kaw
wan brings them back and goes to bed.


Next morning, lin peh wakes up and find the pigs still standing around.
One more try, lin peh tells to himself and proceeds to load the pigs up
and drives them out to the woods. He spent all day shagging the pigs
and upon returning home he falls listlessly in to bed.

The next morning, lin peh kenot even raise himself from the bed to look
at the pigs. He ask his wife to look out and tell him if the pigs are standing
or laying in the mud. Then Lin Peh's wife quickly rush out and have a look.



Lin Peh's wife came back and said....



































my dear lou kung...all the pigs are in the truck and one of them is
honking the 'Honk' asking for you to bring them into the forest
wor !!!!!!





Wuahahahahahaha....

ACQUISITION OF SAFESEX AIR

After months of negotiations and hard works by Aceone Air,
we are proud to announce that we have successfully taken
over Safesex Air in an undisclosed amount.


In my previous post of Aceone Air, my co-pilot AhPek has
been promoted to Captain and he will be flying this aircraft
747-400AS.

Recently Captain AhPek have introduced some new ideas in
Safesex air besides the standard services we have presently.
In line with our expansion programe, we do need to recruits
more sexy ladies to fly with Captain AhPek.


Please submit your applications to Captain AhPek latest by
end of this month 31st August 2006. All applicants will be
selected by Captain Pek and must be able to start work
immediately. Minimum basic requirement SPM. Candidates
with pretty face and big boobs will have an added advantage.
Please call our toll free number stated for the address.
(1-800-6969-6767)

Whether you are a virgin or not Captain AhPek will have the
the final say. We strictly do not entertain any complaints
after the closing date. Please note that only short-listed
candidates will be notified.

Training will be provided free and the basic requirement is
you have to do this....








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Thank you for flying Safesex Air a wholly owned subsidiary
of Aceone Air.

LETTER FROM LHDN

Adly who is a taxpayer called up the Inland Revenue
board (LHDN) in Terengganu and asked for a form B
because he wanted to submit his borang. These are
the conversations between Adly and IRB clerk.


Adly: Halo, Selamat pagi..saya nak mintak satu borang b.
(Good morning..I would like to request for a Form B)

IRB clerk: Bolih kasi encik punya alamat ?
(Can you give me you address?)


Adly: Errr..cik ...boleh hantar ke Ranhill Worley?
(Errr..Ms... Can you send it to Ranhill Worley?


IRB clerk: Boleh..boleh..Ranhill macam mana eja?
(Can..can..How to spell Ranhill?


Adly: R for rumah...A for Ayam.. N for nagka..
H for Holland... I for itik and etc spelling..

IRB clerk: OK..OK.. nanti saya hantar ke alamat itu.
(Okay..Okay.. later I send to that address)


Adly: oh ..tenkiu..tenkiu.
(oh.thank you..thank you.)


IRB clerk: Sama sama tenkiu la.
(Same same thank you la)



After several days, the form finally arrived... and
many thanks to post office of Kuala Terengganu.
Wanna have a look on the address on the envelope
anot?


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Wuahahahahaa..lor tiu macam!!

EMERGENCY LEAVE - BANJIR

Jantan encountered difficulty to take emergency leave
from his boss because his boss tarak believe him wan.
So, one day his house got flooded due to heavy rain
and he called his boss for emergency leave.



Jantan: Boss ...errr..Sayer mau mintak emergency
leave boss.

Boss : Lu jangan tipu sama gua, come kerja sekarang jugak.

Jantan: Betul boss..saya serious boss...rumah saya banjir boss.

Boss: Ehwah...manyak rumah tarak banjir...banjir lu punya
rumah pulak!!

Jantan: Nih, saya tak tipu boss...saya no choice terpaksa ambik
emergency leave jugak boss.

Boss : Lu mana duduk?

Jantan: Saya tarak duduk boss, saya tengah berdiri boss.

Boss: Now Jantan, lu jangan play play sama saya ah.

Jantan: Boss..saya tarak play play boss!!, nih..gambarnya
pun saya hantar boss...tolonglah boss! betui boss!! saya
tarak tipu boss!!..sungguh boss!!!tengok-lah gambar nih boss!!!!


























Hehehehe...!!!!

BEWARE OF THESE FARKERS !

If you visit 1 Utama, please pay special attention
to these farkers from Philippines. They worked in
groups of 6 to 7 peoples in pick pockets in lifts and
car parks.




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KKC FROM SOME COUNTRIES

















Nothing much to say today. Got this forwarded mail
from a friend. Kekekeke... which one you like most?

ANSWERS FOR OPTICAL ILLUSIONS





































Picture 1 : There are five people in the picture
above. 1 old man botak head, 1 lady, 1 baby,
1 lady face and lastly 1 old man with hat and
white beard.


Picture 2 : 1 face and a word "LIAR"





Pisang, pic 1, your score 2/5 (Not so observance)
pic 2...woi..where got picture of a woman?


Ah Nel, pic 1, your score 3/5 (Normal observance)
pic 2... there is a word "Liar".

Ah Ben, pic 1, your score 0/5 (Very Bad observance)
pic 2...there is a word "Liar".

Kenng ng, pic 1, your score 3/5 (Normal observance)
pic 2... there is a word "Liar".

Nyonyapenang, pic 1, your score 3/5 (Normal
observance), pic 2... there is a face in the picture.




Thank you for participating!!

WEEKEND DELIGHTS - OPTICAL ILLUSIONS

(Picture 1)
How many people can you see from this picture
below?



























(Picture 2)
What do you see from this picture below?

MARTIAL ARTS - "TIT TAU KUNG"

I'm sure many of you already know that Zinedine Zidane
head-butted the Italian fullback in the Fifa World Cup
final. If you have't seen that clip, here is the replay.


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After seeing this, do you think the French really hated the
Italian very much? Alright..alright.. lets not talk about
football. We talk about beauty pageant. In a beauty pageant
contest sure the ladies will like it because they like to "keh
poh" about this and that. The guys will of course see "chun
leng lui" with long legs etc.

In a beauty contest for sure the MC will anounce the beauty
contestant comes from which countries. If you see contestant
from France and Italian what would you think will happen?
Will they reconcile and hug each other? To know the answer
see video clip la..




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So next time if you want to learn "Tit Tau Kung" kung fu
please go to France!


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